The Words I Never Got to Say
by The Daughter of Night
Summary: When a teenage love takes a turn for the worst, how will Alyssa and Paul stay in each other's hearts when the universe is playing a game of time to keep them apart?


Disclaimer: I don't and never will own Twilight.

Alyssa's POV

My life right now was not so great.

If I could just have the one best day of my life and go back, I would die happy, but sometimes I wonder what would've happened if I went with my other choice. Maybe I could have started a family with Paul and have kids, living a safe life, but I didn't choose that life.

Instead I chose one that would make everyone miserable. I wasn't doing this be I wanted to, but because I had to if I wanted to uncover the truth. The truth. I didn't even know what that was or why I needed to find it. I just need it like I needed air to survive. Like I need Paul in my life. I never understood why I left him, but with my being so close to the truth, I wasn't about to give up no matter what until I uncover it. For me. For my family.

And for my brother whom I failed to protect before, but now I'm finding out what I failed to protect him from. I don't have much time left, but I'll use whatever I have.

Because right now, every moment counts.

.

 _2 Weeks Before_

"Paul?" He looked up at me in response, "Can I ask you something?" He nodded and sat up, suddenly feeling the atmosphere of the room tense up.

"What's up Lyssa? You can always ask me anything?" I smiled as his hand came up to softly caress my cheek.

"Promise me... promise me, You won't give up. Promise me that you'll still keep going after." I looked off into the distance feeling his gaze on me, and as much as it hurt, I kept my expression soft and open so he wouldn't suspect a thing.

But I knew it was futile, and he knew as well as his hand inched closer to mine and I made the final move to connect our hands.

I looked down at our joint hands and swung them gently, a smile on my face because I knew it was almost the end. I knew this was soon going to be my last days few days of peace and happiness.

"You make me happy, I like it." Paul glanced up from our hands and smiled at me, content and happiness brightening his face before he brought his lips to my cheek.

"You make me happy too, I never want to let you go."

.

 _13 Days Before_

"Hey," I looked away from the view over the cliffs and turned to face him with a smile on my face.

"Hey yourself." He chuckled and pulled me even closer to his side and draped an arm around me protectively and loving. "I love this, I wish we could stay like this forever."

"I'll give you anything for forever," He grinned, the words falling out of his mouth jokingly, and yet I knew that was the complete truth. And it made me feel amazing, to know someone was willing to go to the ends of the earth just to keep me, to make sure I'd stay.

I bumped shoulders with him and laughed, tucking my head under his chin and replied, "You're so sappy."

It was quiet for a moment as we enjoyed the moment, the cool breeze passing by every once in a while as the sun soon was completely set.

"I like it."

"Guess what?" I mumbled out a response, my words getting lost in his chest. "It's only for you... It's always for you."

.

 _12 Days Before_

I slid down against my bathroom door, tears and blood pooling together in my hands and the floor. I can't do this, I'm breaking inside.

My heart stuttered at the thought of leaving Paul, too painful to even think of life after, but I knew the truth. There was no life after. This was it, it's going to be my end.

I held in a sob as I pushed myself up from the ground and began to pick up shards of a mirror I had broken. Walking by what was left of the mirror, all I could see was the monster I had become. The one thing that was going to ruin my life and tear it apart, bit by bit.

I dumped all the shards, but one, holding up the last to see my reflection. I stifled another sob as I saw the mess I had become.

How, how does one man come into my life and make it completely right? How?

I hiccuped and dropped the piece of mirror into the trash as if it was killing me, returning to the sink wash away the blood, the tears, the truth. It was only a matter of time before I knew this was going to be over.

Only a matter of time before my perfect world completely collapses. I'm doing this for my brother.

.

 _11 Days Before_

"I don't like this Lyssa," I sighed, burying my head into the crook of his neck as I tippy-toed to reach the junction. "But, if this is what you have to do, then I get. Please be safe. Come back, okay? I need you, I don't know what I'd do without you now. I can't see myself living past that."

I kept my face in his chest not letting him see my tears, but I knew he felt them. My heart constricted at the thought of never coming back, but even I don't know if that was an option.

"Stay safe. Promise me you'll text me if you made it there fine, okay?" I pulled away and nodded before he brought me back in for one last hug.

"Promise?" My voice lost to my emotions, breaking and timid, he pulled my face back and titled my chin.

I met his beautiful glowing brown eyes that were red-rimmed and sad, my gut taking a punch because I knew I was the cause.

"You know I can't, Lyssa. _I can't_ ," He pleaded and cupped my face with both hands and tried to sway my decision but I couldn't run away from this, not again. Not ever.

"Please," I watched as he took in a deep shouldering breath and closed his eyes, pulling my face back into his chest.

"I promise. Come back safe and sound, okay?" Paul mumbled into my hair, body shaking as he spoke.

A sob caught in my throat and it took every power in me to pull away and slowly walk to the door of my car, engine already started, ready to go.

"I have to go, or else I'll be late." He nodded and stepped closer to take one last hug, his arms wrapped around my waist, his warmth encasing my body.

I looked at him up under my lashes and thought to myself, This was it. And I knew he knew it too because the next thing he did was softly press his lips to mine. His final words to me and I knew there was more he didn't say that he knew I couldn't say.

"I promise." _And I love you_.

.

 _10 Days Before_

I sat in my car, door open to feel the cool breeze in my hair, heart breaking as I remembered our date on the cliffs. And that soon lead to a spiral of memories Paul and I created together when I first moved to La Push 2 months ago.

Just my luck to meet a boy who consumed my entire world, only to leave him and taking my world with him.

Soft cries racked my body as I looked at my phone's lock screen, a picture of us making funny faces at the camera while I was on his back. It was an amazing day and I remembered his friends were behind us, making kissy faces and teasing us both till we turned red.

My eyes burned as I harshly wiped the tears off my face and pulled the car back into ignition. I have to do this, I left because of this and I'll finish this.

For him, because I owed him my entire life if it weren't for him.

.

 _9 Days Before_

I wonder what Paul's thinking about. Is he still thinking of me? I hope he is, but I knew it would only do more harm than good.

But it was all I had left to come back to. He was all I had, I lost my entire family and he's all I have. He's the only one, and it breaks me to know how heartbroken he'll be.

I could only imagine his heart to slowly start cracking before breaking and I hated how I knew mine's was already broken. I hated how I left him back in La Push with lies and hope.

And it broke me to pray that he'd somehow forget me, forget our love and our live spent together, but life was never on my side.

I looked down at my phone as it buzzed with a notification from Paul. I squeezed my eyes shut as I made up my mind and opened the message. My heart paused as I read the message and it only filled me with more guilt as my finger hovered over the button.

 **Are you sure you want to block this number?**

 **Yes/No**

 **Yes**

.

 _8 Days Before_

I sat in the vacant booth of a small twenty-four seven cafe, a headache beginning to take my mind and jolted when someone took the seat across from me.

"Jayson Mayder. You must be Alyssa Valance." I eyed his hand wearily. And looked up to meet his gaze.

The young men in front of me looked to be a couple of years older than me, about my brother's age, blonde hair and grey eyes, your typical LA kid. He waited for me to finish assessing him before continuing.

"I knew your brother, we were, I guess, lovers. He was... my life. When he died, I didn't find out till days later, and I knew I had to find you. He, um.. Caiden told me about you. He couldn't tell me much but he risked everything to make sure that you were going to be okay.

He told me that your life mattered more than his own, I tried to convince him otherwise, but he was stubborn. Said his sister was the last thing he had, besides myself. He, um, he told me to find you after if he didn't live." Jayson broke off, voice cracking as he tried to talk about my brother. I stayed quiet, wanting to know more, knowing he was telling the truth. My brother never hid anything from me and I to him, and I remember faintly how he talked about a boyfriend and how I can trust him if anything went wrong.

"He, god, he told me his chances of surviving were slim to none and that I should start looking for you as soon as he left. I- I didn't listen to him like always and I prayed, gosh, I prayed that he would come back safe and in my arms, but he never did.

I hacked into police records the second day after his no show and found his death recorded at the scene. God there were pictures that I never wanted to see ever, but I couldn't believe it. He was gone, dead, never coming back. I was- I was going to propose to him. I drunk myself dead for the next couple weeks before I pulled myself out of my misery and decided I could only do one thing but fulfill his wish.

He-um, he wanted you to know the truth. But he couldn't track you down even with my hacking skills. It took me months before finding you, but when I asked around you had already left La Push, Washington, but I found you." My hand came up to cover my mouth as a sob began to escape me. Jordan slid out from the other booth and moved to slid in next to me, his presence keeping me in control.

"He, he wanted you to know the whole truth, the truth you thought was always a lie."

.

 _1 Week Before_

I sat in Jayson's car, watching his from the window as he quickly purchased some chow mien from the Chinese restaurant we were parked at, keeping an eye open for anything suspicious or a threat.

"Did you finish going through it?" I hummed, my hand holding up a few of the last papers in the folder to answer.

"I never looked in it, he told me I could, but I didn't really want to keep that on my conscience. He told me that it was priceless though and that if it fell into the wrong hands, then it was game over." I nodded, staying silent as I accepted my box of food.

"My parents, um they never told me what was in it, but I knew it was really important. I just never knew how important until they died keeping it safe." Jayson rubbed my back in comfort, before handing me chopsticks to eat while we talked.

"He loved you more than his life, and I'm soon beginning to understand why."

.

 _6 Days Before_

"Are you sure this is the place?" Jayson looked down at the address that was written down on his forearm. He nodded, showing me the house that matched up with the words on his arm. "Okay, let's do this."

"Wait," I paused as Jayson's arm tugged me back into my seat. "Um, I just, I don't know if we'll have time for this later so I'll ask now. Is this what you want to do?"

I opened my mouth about to answer before he beat me to it and cut me off, "And don't say yes just yet. When I was in La Push, I asked around about you and suddenly I was bombarded by a group of teens asking how I knew you. One of them even threatened to kill me. His name was Paul."

I closed my eyes, heart constricting in heartache. Neither of said anything before I took a deep breath, swallowing all the pain down my throat, "I, he was my lover. I just couldn't stay, but I wanted to, needed to."

I licked my lips, trying to figure out what to say next before Jayson cut me off again, "Is he worth losing?"

I shook my head, my heart telling me one thing and my brain another, "No, but I made a promise to myself and I'm going to finish it."

I paused to looked at Jayson when I spoke the last line, "It's going to kill me if I don't."

.

 _5 Days Before_

I sat next to Jayson, my head in my hands and I tried to make sense of everything happening. "I'm sorry I can't be of much help, but that's all I know."

I shook my head, waving off his apology as my voice cracked to reassure her, "No, it's uh, fine. I just, I'm sorry. This is really hard on me."

Jayson said nothing and only continued to rub my back as the woman we were lead to left the room for us to talk. "I'm sorry, Caiden would've killed me if he knew I was putting you in even more danger."

I laughed motionlessly and responded, "Don't worry, he'd kill me next. Dying to save me from the danger when I decided to jump head first into what he was trying to keep me safe from. God, he would've been so mad. I wish he was here."

Jayson started to breakdown with me in his arms and muttered into the crown of my head, "Me too, me too."

"It sucks when the people you love are always lost in the end."

.

 _4 Days Before_

I looked up when Jayson came to sit next to me on the hood of his car, the folder spread out, paper weights keeping they from flying away. He handed me an ice cold lemonade, and leaned over to point at the map in the center of my thoughts of papers.

"Here, I remember Cade and I took a road trip there and we did nothing except took pictures and tried all the food. It was really good, until near the end. We were supposed to stay into the next week and a half, but Caiden told me we had to leave. I never asked him about it because I knew something was up a little before he told me, but I just never got around to asking even after.

"You think this may be what we're looking for?" I slowly shrugged my shoulders and moved to grab my laptop to search up the city my brother and Jayson were staying in in Florida.

"The only thing I remember that was also strange was when we went to see these three women, I didn't know why but I also had a bad feeling whenever they were around. It's funny how they remind me so much of witches." We shared a laugh before I trailed off, watching as a crisp cream envelope fell out of my laptop case that was carefully tucked away, hidden from the naked eye.

I set my laptop down and picked up the envelop knowing within my heart that it was from Paul, the sneaky bastard must have slipped it in when I wasn't looking. I couldn't bring myself to open it, and soundlessly handed it to Jayson who held it for a few moments and carefully opened it.

He handed the letter that was inside to me, urging me to read it:

" _To my Forever,_

 _I wish I knew what was going on, I knew you lied about why you had to leave, but you looked so determined. I couldn't stop you, no matter how hard I tried. I don't know if this will be the last time I'll ever see you, but just know you'll always be my forever._

 _~ Your Forever"_

My hands shook as I finished reading the letter, heart crumbling into pieces even after being broken. It was no use trying to forget him, not when he still had hope in me. I wiped away my tears and picked up my laptop from where I had shoved it off to earlier and began working, determination filling me to the bone.

Because I knew My Forever was always going to be waiting, and I didn't know if I'd be back to see it.

.

 _72 Hours Before_

"I don't know if I can do this, Jayson." He sighed and pulled me in for a hug.

"I've known you for a little over a week and I know you're the strongest person I know. You can do this." I shook my head, hands grabbing his shirt for support as I panicked. "Hey, deep breaths okay? You'll be okay, and I'll be there behind you if you need me."

I nodded and slowly began walking in the direction Jayson had motioned to earlier. Oh god, I can do this, I can do this. I slipped inside the club, undetected with Jayson at my heels as we crossed over to the other side of the club, coming to a standstill in front of the bartender.

"You look a little to young to be drinking, young lady." I squared my shoulders and leaned forward to make sure he heard me the first time as I asked the question that's been killing me ever since I found out.

"Who are my parents? My real parents?"

.

 _48 Hours Before_

I sat down in front of the attorney, stacks of papers scattered all over his desk as he pushed his glasses up his nose.

"Ms. Valance, I'm afraid I can't help you with this issue. You must be legally 18 in order for me to access these documents you are asking for if they even exist. Your parents have written right here that everything they owned goes to you and your brother evenly once you turn 18, but because your brother is no longer around, all of their life earnings go to you." I sighed, beginning to feel frustrated and ran my hands through my hair before nodding and moving to stand. "I'm very sorry miss, but under legal regulations we cannot help you until you are 18."

I nodded, "Thank you anyways, let's go Jayson." We walked side by side out the building and rested against his car, feeling deflated. "I still have a month and a half before I turn 18 and by then it'll already be too late."

Jayson didn't say anything, but pulled me into a hug for comfort and grounding. "We'll figure it out, we always do. That's how we got so far from barely anything at all."

"Jayson," He looked down to meet my gaze. "I'm running out of time."

.

 _24 Hours Before_

"HANDS UP!" I gasped as I felt an arm slid around my throat, constricting my breathing and felt cool metal against my neck.

"One wrong move and she's dead. That's right, go back to where you came from. You don't belong here, just like her. She should be dead." I began to feel lightheaded from lack of oxygen and watched weakly as Jayson stood in front of me, hands up in surrender.

Jayson struggled to talk as a gun was pointed at the back of my head along with a knife, but still managed to ask, "What do you mean, she should be dead?"

That man holding the knife only laughed and replied, "Oh, you didn't know, it's such a shame. Your parents did everything they could to hide it, but I guess it wasn't enough. But they weren't even your real parents. Did you know that?"

I weakly shook my head, whimpering when he pulled me closer, his hand getting tighter around my throat, "The woman you call mom was your real mother's sister. They were identical twins, the most beautiful and envied, but I had one. Your mother was absolutely beautiful, the definition of a goddess. We were together all throughout high school and college and were planning to get married soon after I proposed, but then the worst had happened. Your mother disappeared days after I proposed and I went looking for her everywhere, it only took a matter of time before I found her, but not just her, a baby girl as well."

Tears started to fall as I slowly began learning my family's history from the man whom was supposed to be my father. "Oh and that's not the best part, when I found your mother she came running back to me cry in tears. We had tested to see if you were mines and as loyal as ever you were. Your grandparents weren't happy about us getting together and your mother had thought her pregnancy was going to drive me away, oh but we got closer, closer than ever.

"But they never approved and that was what killed us. They killed your mother, claiming that no daughter of theirs would marry a low-life like me. They just weren't expecting people to find out. Hell I didn't even know. It was all perfect, your mother's twin taking you in, pretending you were theirs because she gave birth to a little girl, a little after Kristal, but I figured it out. They told me you died, they told me she died giving birth to you, and you didn't live. But, I figured it out, and when I realized, I struck." He paused and turned to me with a malicious grin, and asked.

"How did you think they died? Your fake parents?" I shut my eyes, shaking my head, my heart beating so fast, it felt as if everyone could here it. "I sliced their throats, for all the lies that came out of their mouths."

He cackled and I could only hold in my terror at the man who was my supposedly biological father, slowly begin to become less human.

.

 _18 Hours Before_

My cries were muffled as I tried to break free from the rope that chained me to the chair. I sat in the middle of a dark room, Jayson lead out through the only door with a gun to his head and his shouts of hope and to not give up.

My eyes started to water as I remembered the man tell me I was not his daughter, I didn't grow up with his and he no longer saw my mother's family as humans, but as people who deserved death and remorse.

I couldn't believe it, my entire life was a lie. And they weren't ever going to tell me, but Caiden knew. Caiden somehow found out and went against them. I remember when he took me out on a ride and told me he found something that was going to completely flip shit.

He told me he never knew, and he told me he loved me no matter what. A sob escaped past my dry lips and I remembered his hard expression as he spoke about it, telling me he couldn't tell me, not yet at least. He said he needed more proof.

I always believed him even then, but he wanted nothing but the whole truth and he found it. He went looking for it and ended up dead. My cries only grew louder as I counted up the number of deaths I caused in my head.

My real mother, my adopted parents, my brother, and the number wasn't going to stop. I knew the man whom is my blood father was not done with his kills yet, and somehow, in my gut, I knew.

I wasn't going to live to see tomorrow either.

.

 _14 Hours Before_

"Hey, hey, hey. Listen to me. I will get us out of here. Do you trust me?" I nodded, my hand coming up to muffle my cries of distress. "Alright, I'm going to try to pull this out and stop the blood, okay? If he doesn't come back to kill you in the end, you're gonna bleed to death with or without him."

I gasped and held onto his calf, the pain causing more tears to fall as more blood rushed out of my knife wound. "Why did he do this? Why's he after everyone still when anyone worth killing is already dead, or going to be?"

"No," I looked up at Jayson who tapped my leg as if to scold me. "No negativity, we're going to get you out of here alive and back to your boyfriend. Okay, now breath."

I nodded, my body beginning to feel weaker from the amount of blood I lost from the small time lapse between the time Jayson escaped and found me and the time the knife entered my upper thigh. "Can you stand?"

I weakly shook my head no, to which Jayson cursed and flopped down next to me. "We have to get out of here, call for help, do something. I'm not letting Caiden's hard-work go to waste if you don't live past today."

I shrugged in response, barely managing to put words together to reply, "It's okay." My words began to slur and blend as I began to sway on the spot, "You did everything you could and that's what matters. Thank you, for everything, you didn't need to get involved."

He sighed and wrapped a stronger embrace around my shoulders, keeping me warm from the lost of blood, "Family always matters, and you're family. Always."

.

 _10 Hours Before_

"Is it weird that every time I imagine someone coming to save me, I think of Paul?" Jayson didn't look at me when he answered, but I knew it was hard for him as well.

"No, that's what love does to you sometimes. I still sometimes imagine Caiden coming home and, it's just hard when you suddenly realize that's not going to happen anymore. Heart-breaking really." I nodded and leaned into him for comfort and support, hoping he knew I understood as well without any words.

We both looked up towards the stairs of what I assumed was the basement when they moved me earlier and heard a lot of noises, grunts and cries of pain and war. I shouldered not wanting to know what was happening, already had seen too much violence and pain today.

"I love you no matter what happens, you've grown on me so much that I've basically taken you in as a sister and you remind me of Caiden whenever I look at you doing things subconsciously sometimes. It hurts, but I like knowing there's still some part of him left in this world."

"Sometimes, what people leave behind... are bigger than what they had given."

.

 _6 Hours Before_

"Lyssa!" I looked up, hearing my name called, not seeing anyone else in the room besides Jayson and I. Jayson nudged my arm jerking up in the direction of the ceiling, understanding coming over me and I also began to feel worried.

"Who came for me?" Jayson shrugged and only pulled me closer as we heard the sounds of a fight coming closer and closer than it had been a couple of hours before. "Something's happening and I don't like it."

Jayson took a deep breath and nodded, before pushing himself up and picked up a light-weight pipe that could be used as a bat and came back down next to me. I grabbed onto his arm lightly for support, but I knew in the end it would do nothing to save either of us.

We had spent the last couple of hours stuck down hear, our hope dying along with my heart. I wasn't going to live to ever see Paul again.

Jayson moved to keep a close arm around as the door leading upstairs was thrown open and suddenly we were under fire. Jayson slipped a hand under the crook of my knee and somehow managed to hide us behind the big table, still able to see the fight going on.

"Where are they!?" My eyes weakly fluttered up at the sound of such a familiar voice that I knew was too good to be true.

"It's too late. You've run out of time." I peeked out from the small opening and before my eyes was Paul Lahote. He growled and shook his head not believing a single word coming out of my "father's" mouth.

"You're lying, they're still alive. She's still alive." He grinned and managed to spot my carefully hidden head and grinned maliciously.

"If they aren't dead yet, then they will be now."

.

 _2 Hours Before_

"Hey, hey, hey. Look at me, we'll be okay, okay? You'll be okay. Just please, stay with me, Lyssa, your my forever. Please don't leave me like this. You promised. Lyssa, please."

I smiled weakly, but even I knew it was more of a grimace from the pain. I wasn't going to live to see tomorrow, and he knew it as well.

"Please, Lyssa! Please!" He sobbed into my hair, my hand searching for his to anchor both him and myself.

"No, no, no. It'll be okay. The ambulance is coming. Please Lyssa, it'll be okay. Please. We still have so much to live for. Please, you're my forever. Please!

I Love You!"

.

 _48 Minutes Earlier_

"Please, shoot me. Leave her. Please." I shook my head with all the will power left in me and watched as my "father" point the gun at the love of my life and I screamed from my trapped position on the hospital bed.

.

 _12 Minutes Earlier_

There were no words said as I looked at the chaos around me.

Jayson was killed, the nurses and doctors shot to death, my "father" having fallen to his own doom by his own hand. And I sobbed, all there was left was Paul who was slowly bleeding out on the floor.

"I'm sorry," He paused to breath in through his shot ribs, having taken 4 bullets.

"Lyssa, you're my forever," He coughed and tried to regain his breath as I sobbed. "I love you."

.

 _3 Minutes Earlier_

I reached out with my good arm and managed to wrap my hand around the beautiful, deadly weapon and spun it in my hand gently.

I looked down at Paul, who looked like he was sleeping peacefully, but I knew that wasn't the case. If only, I had wished.

I took one last deep breath and put the gun to my head.

.

 _Present Time_

"STOP! Please! Lyssa, no. You can't. It'll be okay, just trust me, trust us. Paul will be okay." I shook my head, tears falling rapidly as I thought back to all the good times we spent and how I'd never see those beautiful chocolate eyes again.

"Lyssa, we lied to you. Please, Paul will be okay."

"Lyssa!" My hand began to shake from the various cries of my name.

"Please, Lyss, put the gun down. We can fix this."

"You- You ca-can't. He- he's g-gone."

They all held their breaths, no one making a move to get any closer, too afraid I would pull the trigger, as they spit out truth after truth about werewolves, and imprints, and how Paul was not dead.

But I couldn't bring myself to listen, I was already too far gone into the dark caverns. No thought left, no regret, no remorse.

And I held my hand steady, finger firm on the trigger, my eyes wide open to see the horrified expressions on their faces, and that was it.

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That, was it.

Because I never got to say it back.

 _I love you._

* * *

A/N: So, this kind of happened. I had this on my drive for a couple of years and finally decided to finish it and I've never been so proud of myself. So I really hope you guys enjoyed this, and if you did you can check out my other stories or my Ao3 account: luke_is_a_kirby

Please review and let me know if you guys enjoyed it, I didn't like the ending, but it was the best I could write and the only reason why I held back on posting earlier.

Also thank you to **Hetu** for being the first reviewer, I normally don't do this because it was just a single upload, but since I reupoladed it, I thought it'd be right thank you for your review, it really meant a lot to me and I hope you see this!

Review! Till Next Time! :)

 _Word Count: 5,676_

 _Published: 04.12.17_

 _Edited: 03.20.17_

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 ** _Reposted on 07.14.17 because of some technical issues with my with that ended up deleting the story when I tired to fix some errors, but it's okay because I had a copy saved in my USB, sorry for the inconvenience, but it is back up, and thanks for reading._**


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